Month: October 2017

The Not So Empty Nest

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While raising three kids and working full time, personal space and quiet time were always in short supply. Constantly hectic and harried, I wished time away longing for the days when my time was my own and being jealous of those with an empty nest.

Then our youngest went off to college and I was completely lost!

What…? No one needs me? I can do what ever I want? When I want? What the heck do I want?

It took me six years to fully adjust to my long-desired freedom and the overwhelming quiet of an empty nest. Very slowly I began relishing the quiet, investing more time in my work, and exploring things I might enjoy. The “new” nest was finally starting to get pretty comfortable.

Then our son Jake and his family moved in….

Two more adults and two rambunctious boys have definitely upset the nest. All my newly appreciated space and quiet gone with the wind.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have to “take care” of the boys. But when I’m home, I’m the favored playmate, preferred snuggler, and constant confidant. My pancakes are superior to all others, my lap the comfiest, my stories the most fascinating, and mine and Grumpa’s bed the softest. Who am I to disagree?

With my nest once again full and my love tank overflowing, you’d think I’d have nothing to complain about.

But we humans are fickle creatures. I once again long for the space and quiet of the empty nest.

I get exasperated with the typical debris of life with kids; the continual carpet of toys covering the floor, crumbs on the table, and dishes overflowing the sink. These feelings are normal and expected for parents, but as a grandparent they fill me with intense guilt and self-reproach.

I already know how fleeting this time is. I’ve lived it with my own children.

Jake, Alex, Nolan, and Lincoln are only here until Jake finishes school. Once he’s done, they’ll move out and potentially move away. I’ve been given the rare gift of sharing each day with my grandchildren, not as their caretaker, but simply as a love and attention giver.

I do need a little space now and then, but I also need to make the most of this moment. That’s all this time with the kids is.

So no more wasting time dreaming about the empty nest. It will be empty again soon enough.

Is your nest empty or full? What do you love about where it is today?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kindred Spirits & Bosom Friends

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In my post Two Truths and a Lie, I lied about being a tomboy. It’s true I don’t relate well to men, but I’ve actually struggled with cultivating meaningful friendships with anyone outside my family.

Then I met Anne Shirley and I knew instantly we were kindred spirits.

I was introduced to Anne through the 1985 PBS miniseries Anne of Green Gables. I instantly fell in love with her and life in Avonlea.

I was never as confident or adventurous as Anne. By nature, I’m shy and insecure. However, I completely related to her search for kindred spirits and deep desire for a bosom friend.

Early in the story, Anne discovers kindred spirits aren’t as scarce as you might think. I began to recognize others who are very much like me–we enjoy the same things, have the same sense of humor, enjoy each others company, and approach and handle life the same way.

Anne also finds a bosom friend in Diana Barry. Diana is awed by Anne’s courage and tenacity. She stands by Anne’s side when Anne is being crazy and unreasonable, and even when it gets her in trouble.

Bosom friends are definitely a lot harder to come by.

A bosom friend is so much more than a kindred spirit, she’s embedded in your heart. She’s invested in your deepest secrets, fears, joys, and sorrows. She accepts your priorities and readily forgives you when she can’t be one of them. She gives advice yet understands (and still respects you) if you don’t take it. She’s your cheerleader, conscience, and confidant. She knows you inside and out and loves you anyway.

I spent last week with my Diana Barry. Denise and I have spent the last 20 years sharing our ups and downs: in our marriages, with raising our kids, while working for the same company, and in even having the same job. She has seen me through some of my best and worst times and loved me through it all.

Denise is my ideal of a devoted wife, loving mother, and faithful friend. I continue to be in awe of her patience, perseverance, grace, and quiet confidence. I wish I was more like her.

I now have the pleasure of knowing many kindred spirits, but have been blessed with very few bosom friends. Thank you Denise for being one of them!

 

The Price of a Little R&R

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I recently listened to “Essentialism. The Disciplined Pursuit of Less” by Greg McKeown on Audible. It reminded me that discerning what is absolutely essential, and eliminating everything that’s not, allows us to make the highest possible contribution toward the things that really matter.

I missed writing last week. Getting all the thoughts swirling around in my head out into the universe has been surprisingly therapeutic. It’s given me the clarity and direction I’ve been craving for a long time. It’s become essential to my sanity.

I didn’t write; however, because the last couple of weeks at work have been grueling.

Two weeks ago, we announced a department re-org. No one was losing their job, but the day we were to notify our affected team members, I scheduled one-on-ones in the only conference room I could find–in HR….

I haven’t been a manager for long, and this rookie move literally caused me three days of wasted time and headaches as I steadily got hammered with questions and concerns about why my team had been called to HR.

Hmm, because I couldn’t find any other place to meet with them?

This is not a mistake I’ll make again.

Last week was completely insane too. I finished up a class, facilitated a number of new  purchases, kick started a new project, and was prepared to wrap up the quarter when my teammates and I were asked to present a department overview to our new CEO.

It felt like getting caught up in a tornado and being spit out mid spin.  I ended the week completely dazed and confused.

Fortunately there’s a light at the end of this tunnel, and it happened to be a beautiful sunset outside of Tuscon AZ. You see, amidst all the re-org. drama, my very best friend invited me on an impromptu vacation in Arizona.

To get here though, I became slightly unhinged.

I scrambled like mad to put all my ducks in a row before leaving so I could be free to enjoy this week’s little piece of heaven. However, there was no possible way to do it all. I had to let some of it go.

I don’t have the opportunity to travel much outside of work. So, I could waste this precious time “angsting” about what I didn’t get done or invest it in a treasured friend and relish that we have no plans or pressure to do anything but lay by the pool and decide when to mix up the margaritas.

Work matters, but faith, family, and friendship matter more.

These “lip balms” keep the pressures of work and life from consuming us. Rest and relaxation are not luxuries, but essential for us to be our very best in every area of life.

Ultimately, the price of a little R&R is letting go.

This week I’m going to let go of what I didn’t get done in the last one. Instead, I’m going to delight in my friend and enjoy the Arizona sunsets. It’s essential!