Month: January 2018

The Bittersweet Inevitable

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My kids moved out. I came home from being gone for a week and Jake, Alex, Nolan, and Linc moved across town.

They had gone to look at a great place before I left; of course they wanted to take it. Only I anticipated they would take a little time moving out. You know, gradually pack up, move things at a leisurely pace, have a last night of snuggles and bed time stories….

Ah, nope! Gone less than a week later.

Oh, what a fickle fool I am. I was just lamenting my Not So Empty Nest, and here it’s empty again. Before I had planned.

I guess it just caught me off guard. I was getting quite comfortable serving my little master. Nolan required an 8 o’clock bedtime. Even though my evenings were cut short, I was rewarded with bed time stories and snuggles. Going to bed early didn’t make it any easier for me to get up though and I was never excused from breakfast. Chocolate, peanut butter, banana smoothies were on the menu each weekday morning and pancakes on Saturday. Only then could I start my day with smiles, hugs, and grateful kisses.

Alas, it’s all over now.

I’m being over dramatic of course. I understand Jake and Alex’s desire to get on their own again and I’m happy and proud of them for going for it.

Years ago, when Grumpa and I first moved to central Wisconsin, we lived with my parents for four r-e-a-l-l-y long months. Before moving in, I idealized how easy it would be. My parents were great and I thought it would be wonderful to have the camaraderie of my mom on a daily basis. But while I was at home with them, it was no longer my home. I had been the queen of my own castle, and I was living in another’s realm.

Jake and Alex were conscientious roommates, but I get the feeling they felt a lot like I did years ago. There is nothing like having your own home; your sanctuary, your space…where you can do, be, and keep things in any way you see fit. It’s one of the few real perks of being a grown-up.

Anyway, it is only across town. Jake is still finishing school and Alex is doing exceptionally well at work, so I’m hopeful they’ll be around for a little bit yet. I can also stay up late again and sleep in too. Nolan and I have been using face time to read together before he goes to bed at 8. I don’t get to snuggle, but we chat and catch up just like when he was here.

It is bittersweet, but also a little like having my cake and eating it too. Speaking of eating, you should try Nolan’s special smoothie–super easy, not bitter, only sweet!

Nolan’s Chocolate, Peanut Butter, Banana Smoothie

  • 1 frozen banana
  • 1 heaping tablespoon peanut butter
  • 1 cup chocolate almond milk

Put all in blender and blend until smooth. Yummmmy!

Through a Child’s Eyes

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This past weekend, I asked Nolan if he’d like to come with me to Madison for a few days. We would be staying a few blocks from the Children’s Museum and he and I could hang out and do whatever we wanted. Grumpa could even come to.

His response to me was an immediate “Yes! This is going to be the best weekend EVER!”

Mind you, the weekend after Christmas, our whole family went to the Kalahari. A fabulous indoor water park in Wisconsin Dells. There he bravely tackled every water slide he was big enough to go on, spent hours in the wave pool and lazy river, and got to stay up late every night. That too was “the best weekend EVER!”

Now rewind to the week before Thanksgiving. Nolan accompanied his Grumpa to visit some family friends in Indiana. At that time, he met two new friends with more Legos than he could have ever imagined, and got to play video games to his heart’s content. Again, “the best weekend EVER!”

While in Madison, his enthusiasm was overwhelming. He tirelessly explored the Children’s Museum and experienced ice skating for the very first time. We hung out with his Aunt Julia and Uncle Danny, and once again he got to stay up late every night.

When it was time to go home, he cried as if his world was coming to an end. To him it was. Because at five, there’s no room for thoughts of what comes next. That moment is all there is.

None of these weekends were particularly extravagant, but Nolan saw them as epic adventures.

Oh to be five again. It’s my favorite age. Every little experience is a moment to be savored. Why are we always so desperate to grow up?

When you grow up, you forget your sense of wonder. You start comparing yourself to others, and inevitably, someone is always doing something more exciting or has something cooler. So instead of living in the moment, you’re waiting for the next hoping it will be better.

This weekend, I tried to see the world through Nolan’s eyes.

At the Children’s Museum, he approached every display and activity with  amazement. Each child he encountered was a potential new friend despite their skin color, if they were boy or girl, or what they were wearing.

After Uncle Danny helped him conquer an initial fear of the ice, his joy while skating was palpable. The frosty air had no affect on him despite his wind-kissed cheeks. His sparkling eyes, broad grin, and bubbling belly laughs kept me warm too. To my surprise, I wasn’t longing to get out of the cold. I was actually living in the moment and not wishing for the next!

What would it be like to live every day that way? To put away the insecurities, prejudices, and busyness? To approached each moment as we did when we were five?

I don’t know, but I want to give it a try.

 

Is It Beautiful, Is It Useful?

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I love tidiness.

I am not a clean freak per se, but clean counters, organized drawers and closets, and alphabetical shelves of books and DVDs give me an inexplicable thrill of contentment and a feeling that all is right in my world.

So what do you do when you combine two households with four busy adults and two playful, adventurous boys?

Damage control!

We live in the perpetual chaos of toys, snacks, papers, work bags and backpacks. I do understand that this is the nature of a busy household. I’m OK with that. But as a person who craves simplicity and order, how to put an end to the clutter is regularly on my mind.

So how I do continually seem to accumulate more stuff than I need or want?

I love beautiful things, but I’m not typically drawn to knickknacks and tchotchkes. I can peruse antique and gift shops and take in all the loveliness without feeling the need to bring something home. What I seem unable to pass up are items that promise to make life somehow easier; less cluttered, more organized.

In my pursuit of a simpler, more organized life, I read Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying up. I agree with many of Marie’s philosophies on tidying, (I’ve never found so much satisfaction with folding my laundry or ease in keeping my drawers and closet in order!) but I’m not sure that everything I own needs to create in me a sense of joy. A toilette brush is just a toilette brush after all, even if it does keep my hand out of the toilette bowl.

Life is messy even without all the stuff. Everyday, we’re bombarded with images, messages, and products that promise our life will be better if we just had this “one” thing. But like Lay’s potato chips, you can’t stop with just one. Before you know it, our best intentions have led us to more than we need, can use–and in many cases–even want.

It takes practice and discipline to identify the true difference between needs and wants. I need lots of practice!

I want to be a good steward of the many blessings I’ve been given, so my new motto is going to be, “Is it beautiful, and is it useful?”

This is actually not going to be as simple as it sounds. It will take some intense discipline to make sure it’s something that will fill a need for the long-term–not be just a quick fix. Also, will it’s beauty endure, or will it lose its appeal after a few short weeks or months?

I promised my Handy Man that my winter project will be to clean out our basement. It will be a good time to practice this new mantra. If I no longer find an item beautiful or useful, it’s going to go to someone who does.

Stay tuned. I’ll let you know how it goes.