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Is It Beautiful, Is It Useful?

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I love tidiness.

I am not a clean freak per se, but clean counters, organized drawers and closets, and alphabetical shelves of books and DVDs give me an inexplicable thrill of contentment and a feeling that all is right in my world.

So what do you do when you combine two households with four busy adults and two playful, adventurous boys?

Damage control!

We live in the perpetual chaos of toys, snacks, papers, work bags and backpacks. I do understand that this is the nature of a busy household. I’m OK with that. But as a person who craves simplicity and order, how to put an end to the clutter is regularly on my mind.

So how I do continually seem to accumulate more stuff than I need or want?

I love beautiful things, but I’m not typically drawn to knickknacks and tchotchkes. I can peruse antique and gift shops and take in all the loveliness without feeling the need to bring something home. What I seem unable to pass up are items that promise to make life somehow easier; less cluttered, more organized.

In my pursuit of a simpler, more organized life, I read Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying up. I agree with many of Marie’s philosophies on tidying, (I’ve never found so much satisfaction with folding my laundry or ease in keeping my drawers and closet in order!) but I’m not sure that everything I own needs to create in me a sense of joy. A toilette brush is just a toilette brush after all, even if it does keep my hand out of the toilette bowl.

Life is messy even without all the stuff. Everyday, we’re bombarded with images, messages, and products that promise our life will be better if we just had this “one” thing. But like Lay’s potato chips, you can’t stop with just one. Before you know it, our best intentions have led us to more than we need, can use–and in many cases–even want.

It takes practice and discipline to identify the true difference between needs and wants. I need lots of practice!

I want to be a good steward of the many blessings I’ve been given, so my new motto is going to be, “Is it beautiful, and is it useful?”

This is actually not going to be as simple as it sounds. It will take some intense discipline to make sure it’s something that will fill a need for the long-term–not be just a quick fix. Also, will it’s beauty endure, or will it lose its appeal after a few short weeks or months?

I promised my Handy Man that my winter project will be to clean out our basement. It will be a good time to practice this new mantra. If I no longer find an item beautiful or useful, it’s going to go to someone who does.

Stay tuned. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Uncovering My “Why”

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If you’ve ever had a child, been around a child, or have been a child yourself, what question is forever poised on their lips? The question that drives most adults absolutely crazy?

“Why…?”

When was the last time you asked the question and what was it in relation to?

I just finished listening to Simon Sinek’s book, “Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action.” As a marketing consultant, author, and speaker, Sinek states “Very few people or companies can clearly articulate WHY they do WHAT they do. By WHY I mean your purpose, cause or belief – WHY does your company exist? WHY do you get out of bed every morning? And WHY should anyone care?”

I live in a continual state of discontent. I’m perpetually unhappy with my job, with my level of education, with my body, with my age….

As I was listening, I started asking myself why. “Why am I discontent with my job when I make more money than I ever have despite my level of education?” “Why should I be unhappy with my body, and my age, when I weigh less and take better care of myself than I did when I was 18.”

My family has always fueled my purpose and my faith been my passion. I truly believe that we’re put on this earth to love God, love others, and serve the world.

So why then am I always discontent?

Things finally started to click when I got really honest about what is not only important to me, but what actually motivates me.

Why do I do the things I do, and why should anyone care?

After much thought, this is how I can sum up my why:

  • I’m passionate about finding beauty, solace, and simplicity to combat the hectic, stressful, frenetic pace of this materialistic world.
  • I believe everyone deserves to feel beautiful, valued, and confident that they have something of value to offer their families, friends, jobs, and communities.
  • Showing kindness, patience, and understanding to everyone I come in contact with has the power to change the world.

These may seem superficial or naive, but they are things I can translate into tangible ways to live my purpose and share what I believe.

My challenge is to live these beliefs despite my circumstances. My cause in the new year is to create the means to pursue these passions and share them with those of you who believe what I believe.

Happy New Year!

BTW: If you haven’t heard of Simon Sinek, check him out! You can start on his website at https://startwithwhy.com/.

 

Alyce’s Cheesy Beans

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When I was a kid, I ate weird stuff. Granted, I didn’t think it was weird. I gobbled up radish sandwiches, sauerkraut and boiled potatoes, boiled dinner, and last but not least, sweet spaghetti (oh yes, we’ll revisit this one at a later date).

In my Thanksgiving post, I confessed that we forego traditional green bean casserole for cheesy beans. I have no idea where my mom got this recipe, or if she simply made it up, but it has been part of our Thanksgiving feast for as long as I can remember.

These saucy beans are rich, delicious, and probably not very good for you. Thus, we only indulge in them on the day calories don’t exist.  No one has ever written down the recipe and inevitably someone always needs it. So even though Thanksgiving is past, here it is for the world to enjoy anytime–you don’t have to wait for next Thanksgiving!

Oh, by the way….

This is typically what I make for gathering of 12 – 15. You can scale the recipe up or down depending on who you’re feeding. You can also use the extra cheese sauce for just about anything including some super tasty mac and cheese. IF there are any leftovers, there will be a fight for them.

One more FYI….

I like to get the beans and the sauce ready a day in advance and throw them together in the crock pot Thanksgiving morning to warm through. It’s one less thing cluttering up the stove.

Alyce’s Cheesy Beans

Get your beans ready

  • 6 – 8 cans french-cut green beans

Drain your beans really well. You want them pretty dry, otherwise your cheesy beans will be a watery mess–Blah!

I open the cans up a day before and let them sit in a colander over night. (You’d be surprised at the amount of liquid those little babies can hold.) Then blot them with paper towels before adding them to the cheese sauce.

Cheese Sauce

  • 1/4 C butter
  • 1/4 C flour
  • 2 1/2 C whole milk
  • 1 LB Velveeta, cut into chunks
  • Pinch nutmeg
  • Pinch of crushed red pepper (I might use cayenne if I have it)
  • Salt and pepper to taste

Over medium low heat, melt your butter and stir in your flour. Add a little salt and pepper and cook for 1 minute. Whisk in your milk and continue whisking until it starts to thicken.

Start stirring in your cheese chunks (do a couple at a time so they don’t get stuck in your whisk). If your sauce seems a little thick, whisk in a smidgen more milk until it’s the consistency you like.

Once your chunks are melted, and your sauce is a soft yellowy orange, whisk in your nutmeg, red pepper, and a little more salt and pepper to taste.

And that’s it, your sauce is ready for your beans!

If you’re getting things ready in advance, cool your sauce and put it in the fridge over night. Otherwise gently stir in your beans and warm through.

De-lici-ous!

 

Traditions, Memories, & and Change

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Of all holidays, Thanksgiving has always been the one to hold the deepest traditions for my family.

The same dishes have been on the menu from the time I was a little girl, through my children’s formative years, and into a third generation with my grandsons: golden roasted turkey, savory giblet dressing, saucy cheesy beans (in lieu of the more renowned green bean casserole), and fluffy, sweet-tart Bavarian salad are just a few of the standards that, even after 40 plus years, would insight mutiny if left off the list of the day’s delicacies.

Vivid visions of my apron-clad Mom occupy my thoughts this time of year. I can still see her painstakingly preparing a king’s feast for her rowdy brood–deftly tossing flour as she rolls perfect pie crusts, fiercely whisking gloriously rich, velvety smooth gravy you could drink from a cup, and slapping greedy fingers as they sneak crusty bits of dressing bursting hot and steaming from a perfect turkey just pulled from the oven.

Dad and the boys would be dragged from the TV to pull out the banquet table and set it up in the living room to accommodate all nine of us, my widowed aunt, and sundry guests. Us girls would set the table and serve up the feast while getting first dibs on the coveted black olives before they were devoured at the table.

We’d sit for hours at the table talking, joking, laughing, but mostly waiting for our full tummies to make a little room for sampling the plethora of pies anxiously waiting to be tasted.

It was a glorious day!

The faces and scenes began to evolve over the years; but the scents, tastes, and sounds remained virtually unchanged. By closing my eyes, I could easily transport myself back to November 1981, when I was still 10 years old, and Mom was busy in the kitchen.

But, I am no longer 10. I am the mom, mother-in-law, and grandmother presiding over the feast. My Mom has left us and new faces grace our table. My children, with their spouses, are ready to introduce new dishes to our menu.

This year, a vegan green bean casserole, Pillsbury Crescent Rolls (Did you know these were vegan?), and a new stuffing recipe my daughter Julia is eager to try, will be joining the old standards.

While my heart aches with memories of the past, it also eagerly anticipates the new traditions ready to unfold. It’s funny how the heart works. It has an amazing elasticity to stretch and hold whatever you choose to put into it. Mine is going to treasure the memories of the past and make room for the traditions and changes to come.

Happy Thanksgiving!


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My Own Personal Handy Man

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I came home late one evening this week to find a man’s legs protruding from my attic crawl space, feet planted squarely on the top rung of a step ladder.

This was a whole man of course, and he did belong to me. It was my husband Mike securing our nest against the changing season. He was working quietly while the rest of the house slumbered, all peacefully unaware of his efforts.

Since I don’t appreciate him nearly as much as I should, this post is dedicated especially to him. I need to brag on him a little bit every now and then.

Mike is my own personal handyman.

He’s a flooring installer by trade, but can build anything just by watching someone else do it once. He has remodeled three (going on four) houses doing everything himself; rewiring each top to bottom, replacing windows and roofs, installing new siding, building new garages, and creating rooms that previously didn’t exist.

He can also fix anything.

I’ve never had to pay to have my washer fixed (it needed fixing just this week), my toilet unclogged, ruptured pipes repaired, or a new ice maker installed.

And, he cleans.

Most nights he can be found in the kitchen scrubbing crusted leftovers from discarded dishes. He’s my housekeeper when hosting parties, making sure the house is presentable for our guests and cleaning up after the fun. He even vacuums! I can’t tell you the last time I pushed a vacuum myself.

Yeah, you should be jealous!

He isn’t completely perfect though. He rarely works on my timeline, he’s lured away from home by his “mistress” (golf) on most fine days and some not-so-fine ones as well, and he goes quite deaf when his nose is in the TV or his tablet (miraculously, he has bionic hearing when you’re whispering complaints about him to your sister two floors down and three rooms away).

But…I guess I can excuse his faults in light of all his other impressive skills.

Mike and I took the short cut to family life and it’s been a roller coaster journey ever since. At 18 and 20 we barely new ourselves, let alone each other.

By the grace of God, we’re still facing life together even though we sometimes have to drag the other along. We continue to learn about each other and how to love one another. It’s a lot of work; sometimes easy, most of the time hard.

I have to admit, that so far it’s been worth it.

Twenty-eight years ago, we committed to make the most of a life neither of us planned, and with each changing phase, my handyman keeps working tirelessly to make our house a beautiful home.

Love you Handyman!

The Not So Empty Nest

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While raising three kids and working full time, personal space and quiet time were always in short supply. Constantly hectic and harried, I wished time away longing for the days when my time was my own and being jealous of those with an empty nest.

Then our youngest went off to college and I was completely lost!

What…? No one needs me? I can do what ever I want? When I want? What the heck do I want?

It took me six years to fully adjust to my long-desired freedom and the overwhelming quiet of an empty nest. Very slowly I began relishing the quiet, investing more time in my work, and exploring things I might enjoy. The “new” nest was finally starting to get pretty comfortable.

Then our son Jake and his family moved in….

Two more adults and two rambunctious boys have definitely upset the nest. All my newly appreciated space and quiet gone with the wind.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have to “take care” of the boys. But when I’m home, I’m the favored playmate, preferred snuggler, and constant confidant. My pancakes are superior to all others, my lap the comfiest, my stories the most fascinating, and mine and Grumpa’s bed the softest. Who am I to disagree?

With my nest once again full and my love tank overflowing, you’d think I’d have nothing to complain about.

But we humans are fickle creatures. I once again long for the space and quiet of the empty nest.

I get exasperated with the typical debris of life with kids; the continual carpet of toys covering the floor, crumbs on the table, and dishes overflowing the sink. These feelings are normal and expected for parents, but as a grandparent they fill me with intense guilt and self-reproach.

I already know how fleeting this time is. I’ve lived it with my own children.

Jake, Alex, Nolan, and Lincoln are only here until Jake finishes school. Once he’s done, they’ll move out and potentially move away. I’ve been given the rare gift of sharing each day with my grandchildren, not as their caretaker, but simply as a love and attention giver.

I do need a little space now and then, but I also need to make the most of this moment. That’s all this time with the kids is.

So no more wasting time dreaming about the empty nest. It will be empty again soon enough.

Is your nest empty or full? What do you love about where it is today?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kindred Spirits & Bosom Friends

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In my post Two Truths and a Lie, I lied about being a tomboy. It’s true I don’t relate well to men, but I’ve actually struggled with cultivating meaningful friendships with anyone outside my family.

Then I met Anne Shirley and I knew instantly we were kindred spirits.

I was introduced to Anne through the 1985 PBS miniseries Anne of Green Gables. I instantly fell in love with her and life in Avonlea.

I was never as confident or adventurous as Anne. By nature, I’m shy and insecure. However, I completely related to her search for kindred spirits and deep desire for a bosom friend.

Early in the story, Anne discovers kindred spirits aren’t as scarce as you might think. I began to recognize others who are very much like me–we enjoy the same things, have the same sense of humor, enjoy each others company, and approach and handle life the same way.

Anne also finds a bosom friend in Diana Barry. Diana is awed by Anne’s courage and tenacity. She stands by Anne’s side when Anne is being crazy and unreasonable, and even when it gets her in trouble.

Bosom friends are definitely a lot harder to come by.

A bosom friend is so much more than a kindred spirit, she’s embedded in your heart. She’s invested in your deepest secrets, fears, joys, and sorrows. She accepts your priorities and readily forgives you when she can’t be one of them. She gives advice yet understands (and still respects you) if you don’t take it. She’s your cheerleader, conscience, and confidant. She knows you inside and out and loves you anyway.

I spent last week with my Diana Barry. Denise and I have spent the last 20 years sharing our ups and downs: in our marriages, with raising our kids, while working for the same company, and in even having the same job. She has seen me through some of my best and worst times and loved me through it all.

Denise is my ideal of a devoted wife, loving mother, and faithful friend. I continue to be in awe of her patience, perseverance, grace, and quiet confidence. I wish I was more like her.

I now have the pleasure of knowing many kindred spirits, but have been blessed with very few bosom friends. Thank you Denise for being one of them!

 

The Price of a Little R&R

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I recently listened to “Essentialism. The Disciplined Pursuit of Less” by Greg McKeown on Audible. It reminded me that discerning what is absolutely essential, and eliminating everything that’s not, allows us to make the highest possible contribution toward the things that really matter.

I missed writing last week. Getting all the thoughts swirling around in my head out into the universe has been surprisingly therapeutic. It’s given me the clarity and direction I’ve been craving for a long time. It’s become essential to my sanity.

I didn’t write; however, because the last couple of weeks at work have been grueling.

Two weeks ago, we announced a department re-org. No one was losing their job, but the day we were to notify our affected team members, I scheduled one-on-ones in the only conference room I could find–in HR….

I haven’t been a manager for long, and this rookie move literally caused me three days of wasted time and headaches as I steadily got hammered with questions and concerns about why my team had been called to HR.

Hmm, because I couldn’t find any other place to meet with them?

This is not a mistake I’ll make again.

Last week was completely insane too. I finished up a class, facilitated a number of new  purchases, kick started a new project, and was prepared to wrap up the quarter when my teammates and I were asked to present a department overview to our new CEO.

It felt like getting caught up in a tornado and being spit out mid spin.  I ended the week completely dazed and confused.

Fortunately there’s a light at the end of this tunnel, and it happened to be a beautiful sunset outside of Tuscon AZ. You see, amidst all the re-org. drama, my very best friend invited me on an impromptu vacation in Arizona.

To get here though, I became slightly unhinged.

I scrambled like mad to put all my ducks in a row before leaving so I could be free to enjoy this week’s little piece of heaven. However, there was no possible way to do it all. I had to let some of it go.

I don’t have the opportunity to travel much outside of work. So, I could waste this precious time “angsting” about what I didn’t get done or invest it in a treasured friend and relish that we have no plans or pressure to do anything but lay by the pool and decide when to mix up the margaritas.

Work matters, but faith, family, and friendship matter more.

These “lip balms” keep the pressures of work and life from consuming us. Rest and relaxation are not luxuries, but essential for us to be our very best in every area of life.

Ultimately, the price of a little R&R is letting go.

This week I’m going to let go of what I didn’t get done in the last one. Instead, I’m going to delight in my friend and enjoy the Arizona sunsets. It’s essential!

 

 

Cranfest – A Sisters’ Tradition

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If you live anywhere near (or even not so near) central Wisconsin, and have never been to Cranfest in Warrens, you are totally missing out!

I can’t even tell you when this became an annual tradition for us, probably when I moved to central Wisconsin 20 years ago. Since then, my sisters and I longingly anticipate scouring the tiny town, bursting at the seams with over 1,300 vendors and 120,000 annual attendees, for unique finds and great deals.

But being the last weekend of September in Wisconsin, the weather is always a total “crap-shoot.”

We’ve experienced glorious fall days where the scents of kettle corn and cranberries float on the crisp, cool air. The sky seems to glow in pinks, reds and oranges as the trees don their fall finery and the crowds are full of good cheer and anticipation for the upcoming holiday season. Bliss!

We’ve been totally unprepared for bitter cold days when our singular priority became hunting down the first stall peddling hats and mittens and knowing just where to find the best drinks to warm our chilly bones. From there, we’d dash from stall to stall to keep dry from sleety skies. Brr!

This year, it was a face-melting 90 degrees with barely a cloud in the beautiful, blue sky. Even the breeze couldn’t muster enough energy to jostle its way through the sea of sluggish, sweaty shoppers. Ugh!

The cash still found a way to jump out of our wallets despite the heat. Thankfully we crossed things off our shopping lists, found some fun items (Cabernet Sauvignon jelly being one of my favorite finds), and made it out before we passed out from heat exhaustion. Whew!

Of course, it’s not really about the shopping though. It’s about the precious time with three of my most favorite people in the world. I’ll brave just about any elements for that.

By the way, Nolan wanted to assure everyone that while we were sweltering through the crowds, the guys were happily hanging at home in the air conditioning. Thanks for rubbing it in Nolan, but I still wouldn’t have traded places.

Have a great week!

Living With Vegans

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My back is finally feeling better after over-doing it in yoga. Stretching twice a day, along with scheduled walks, has helped tremendously. My plan of eating better; however, has not improved.

In addition to a busy schedule, there’s another test to my healthy eating plan–my son Jake and his wife Alex are practicing vegans.

And, currently live with my husband and I while Jake is going back to school. They have two precocious little boys, Nolan – 5 and Lincoln – 10 months. While it doesn’t matter much to Lincoln, Nolan struggles with his Nani and Grumpa eating animals. This is super challenging when sharing meals, keeping snacks in the house, and having very different ideas of what’s healthy and what’s not.

I am not an animal rights activist, nor do I think it’s wrong or unhealthy to eat animal products. For Nolan’s sake though, I tried really hard to give up meat.

This proved to be a bit of a disaster.

Who knew? Too many grains, beans, and certain fruits and veggies actually irritate an already “irritable” digestive system.

Being vegan is also a ton of work! When time is tight, you’re traveling, you want to go out to eat, or going out is your only option, you might be out of luck.

I want to eat things that taste good and make me feel good. Sometimes they have to be quick and easy too.

After two vegan weeks and another two vegetarian weeks, I confessed to Nolan being vegan just wasn’t for me. He did express he was “concerned” I’d have problems later in life (he is five going on 50 after all) but is resigned and loves me even though I eat animals.

We live in a society rampant with diet and lifestyle induced health issues. We have just as many experts with solutions to fix them. Ultimately, each of us lives very different lives with values that shape even what we put in our mouths. There is never going to be a “one size fits all” diet that works for everyone.

So here’s what I need to do:

  • Be OK with my kids being vegan, and realize it’s also OK that I’m not
  • Be open to finding dishes we can all enjoy
  • Plan meals together to include the foods we all need

Here’s a recipe Nolan loves which is pretty yummy, although I have to tread lightly with it. Jake’s “veganized” version of the Pioneer Woman’s Black Bean Burgers is quick, easy, and tastes great with any of your favorite burger toppings.       

Jake’s Black Bean Burgers

  • 1 15 ounce can black beans
  • ½ white onion minced or grated
  • 1 cup Panko bread crumbs (plain or Italian, it’s up to you)
  • 1 flax-seed egg (mix 1 tbsp ground flax seed and 3 tbsp water. Let rest for 5 minutes)
  • Salt and pepper to taste

Squish all ingredients together, then form 4-6 patties depending on how big you want them. Cook on a slightly oiled surface (a cast iron griddle or fry pan works great) till warmed through and lightly browned. 

Eat and enjoy!