balance

Lemonade in the Winter

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Another 6-10” of snow is currently weaving yet one more intricate blanket over central Wisconsin. Its pristine beauty is turning our world into a winter wonderland but it’s heaviness is suffocating. I read an article recently about embracing the winter months as a time to create a comfortable cocoon and hibernate, but we’re not bugs and bears for Pete’s sake. We’re people!

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Poor Mike is snow blowing for the second time this morning.

I feel stuck without anything really new to say. I’m quite frankly sick of myself and sick of social media…trying to paint the best picture, be positive, make myself look better than I really am, trying to get people to like me. Blah, blah, blah!

Honestly life still feels full of a crap-ton of lemons:

  • Work hasn’t picked up. No matter how many pep talks I give or receive, I doubt my decision to return to hair.
  • The second job I hoped for, was meant for someone else.
  • We still don’t have health insurance. (The affordable care act isn’t really affordable unless you don’t want to afford anything else.) Consequently, I worry about every ache, pain, and sniffle Mike gets.
  • I’m bored, lonely, and adrift.

Wait! … Here’s some Late Breaking News!

Literally, in the midst of this rant, my always encouraging, positive friend Barb has messaged me out of the blue asking when my next post was coming. Thank you, thank you Barb! Your message is just the refreshment I need in this exact moment. Thank you God for the gentle cuff across the head.

Here’s the reality. Despite focusing on the lemons (and the avalanche of snow-fall), I been drinking some pretty sweet lemonade. In the last several weeks:

  • I’ve seen new places
    • I recently visited two restaurants I’ve always wanted to try. Both have been in business for over 40 years. One was a hit and one was a miss, but I was so excited and glad to have experienced both.
  • I’ve made new friends
    • I spent five days in Arizona with my BFF and her parents. I didn’t know her parents well before this trip and now feel like I have two new friends.
    • Through the salon, I’ve connected with some of Mike’s friends and co-workers. I’m not just thankful for their business, but the opportunity to better get to know the wonderful people Mike works and hangs out with.
  • I’ve developed new hobbies
    • My at-home yoga practice is flourishing. I’ve completed Yoga with Adriene’s 30 day challenge, am working through her February calendar, and have been trying new vinyasas from the Yoga Journal.
    • I joined a corn-hole / bag toss league with Mike. It’s given us the opportunity to spend time together, a reason to get out of the house, and encourages this introvert to socialize with Mike and his friends.
  • I’ve completed some stuff 
    • Two books
    • A baby quilt top
    • A set of cloth napkins
  • I’ve started a new tradition
    • I’ve just sent out a stack of Valentines (the old-fashioned way) to my whole family. Going forward instead of bludgeoning everyone with a little more joy at Christmas, I’ll spread the love while the winter blues are at their peak.

So I’m canceling the pity party and apologize for wallowing. It’s crazy how easy it is to forget all the good when faced with a little bad. I have a warm house, plenty of food, a loving family, good friends, and a God who loves and has always cared for me.

If you’re drowning in lemons, I pray that there is peace and comfort waiting for you right around the corner. Remember God is good, he is faithful, and you are loved.

If life is currently treating you well, please share the goodness. We all need the reminder that snow melts, spring comes, and lemons can always be made into lemonade.

Happy Valentines Day!

 

Jumping Off the Cliff

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I quit my job.

After fifteen years with the same company, I threw caution to the wind (along with my comprehensive health, dental, and vision package, 401-k match, eight+ paid holidays, and five weeks of paid vacation) and took the plunge into a world of insecurity and uncertainty.

What the heck was I thinking?

Over the last fifteen years, I’ve worked in various roles and positions–some I’ve chosen and some have been chosen for me. To toot my own horn, “this girl’s got some serious transferable skills.” Throughout this incredible journey, I’ve learned a lot about myself.

  • I can do more than I ever thought I could do.
  • Just because I can do something well, doesn’t mean I like it or it’s fulfilling.
  • I’d rather have respect and autonomy, than status and money.

I went to work as a means to an end, all the while dreaming of what I wanted to be when I grew up. My job helped help raise and support our kids, but it was always about what the company provided me and my family, not what I brought to the work. So despite all the perks, learning from and working with amazingly intelligent people, and having wonderful colleagues, I was perpetually stressed and unhappy.

Talk about a first world problem. I feel like I’ve literally just spit in the face of a tremendous blessing, yet at the same time I have an overwhelming sense that God is telling me it’s time to let go and let Him.

Here’s the thing, for years I’ve tried to direct God’s plan for my life. It’s been all about what I want, not necessarily what He wants. I truly believe this is why I’ve never been  happy despite an abundance of blessings. Throughout this 15-year journey, God has shown me what I’m good at, what brings me joy, and what I want to do now that I’ve actually grown up.

I want…

  • To create useful, meaningful things for others to use and enjoy.
  • To bring beauty and hope to peoples’ lives so they can be their best selves.
  • To build and foster relationships.
  • To continue learning, growing, and sharing life with others.

Do these things come with a good salary, paid vacations, and a great insurance package? Probably not, I may have to get a job for those things. Do I need a degree to do any of these? Maybe, but not really.

In all seriousness though, I won’t be looking for a company to provide for me going forward, but will look for a place where I’m confident in what I am bringing to the work.

I’m still scared because the cliff is already behind me, but I know I’m in the best hands possible. God is good. He (not me) is the one who will set my feet firmly back on the ground.

God bless!

The Continual Juggling Act

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In her book Present over Perfect, Shawna Niequist states “For every yes, there is a no.”

Finding balance in making choices is one of the major themes of this blog, and once again I’m slapped in the face with the relevance of this topic and the truth in Shawna’s words.

It’s late Saturday morning of Memorial weekend and I am sitting in our home office. I am supposed to be doing homework. My current course is Principles of Finance. This is a subject I have avoided for much of my life and now I find it surprisingly intriguing. Amazingly, I actually get it too! But, learning about it is time consuming and completing assignments takes much longer than I want it to.

And, here’s the rub:

  • The sun is taunting me with its sly winks through the window and chastising me for neglecting our weed infested flower beds.
  • My nest is a mess with dirty dishes rebelliously growing crusty coats in the kitchen, clean laundry shriveling into wrinkled heaps from waiting a whole week to be folded, and packages and boxes loitering in my dining room from recent shopping exploits.
  • My sciatica is scolding me for spending too much time at my desk.
  • Stories and ideas are bursting with restlessness inside my brain from being repressed by too many other responsibilities.
  • I have dedicated time with my family this weekend that I want to enjoy and not fret about.

This all reminds me of the Rock, Pebbles, and Sand Story. (If you’re not familiar with this, you definitely need to be). While I understand what my rocks are, the pebbles and sand  never feel so black and white in real life. Understanding how to balance your time between all of three of them involves a daily evaluation between immediate and long-term:

  • Needs and wants
  • Responsibilities and commitments
  • Shoulds and coulds

As I look at my day today, time with my family and easing my sciatica are rocks. They clearly most affect my physical and emotional well-being.

Writing, school, and home are definitely pebbles, but they blur the lines between needs and wants, responsibilities and commitments, shoulds and coulds. They have powerful affects on my emotional well being by making me feel unburdened, confident and content.

You may be asking, “why isn’t Grumpa helping you with these responsibilities?”

I can’t say enough how much Grumpa picks up the slack for me, but in addition to those we share, he has his own rocks, pebbles, and sand which I am only now (after almost 30 years) learning to be respectful of.

It’s true for every yes there is a no, but it’s important to realize that as simple as we want our lives to be, it’s always going to be a continual juggling act. We just need to accept it and move on by taking Anne Shirley’s words to heart–“Tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it.”– a new opportunity to learn from the day before and try the juggling act all over again.