essentialism

Lemonade in the Winter

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Another 6-10” of snow is currently weaving yet one more intricate blanket over central Wisconsin. Its pristine beauty is turning our world into a winter wonderland but it’s heaviness is suffocating. I read an article recently about embracing the winter months as a time to create a comfortable cocoon and hibernate, but we’re not bugs and bears for Pete’s sake. We’re people!

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Poor Mike is snow blowing for the second time this morning.

I feel stuck without anything really new to say. I’m quite frankly sick of myself and sick of social media…trying to paint the best picture, be positive, make myself look better than I really am, trying to get people to like me. Blah, blah, blah!

Honestly life still feels full of a crap-ton of lemons:

  • Work hasn’t picked up. No matter how many pep talks I give or receive, I doubt my decision to return to hair.
  • The second job I hoped for, was meant for someone else.
  • We still don’t have health insurance. (The affordable care act isn’t really affordable unless you don’t want to afford anything else.) Consequently, I worry about every ache, pain, and sniffle Mike gets.
  • I’m bored, lonely, and adrift.

Wait! … Here’s some Late Breaking News!

Literally, in the midst of this rant, my always encouraging, positive friend Barb has messaged me out of the blue asking when my next post was coming. Thank you, thank you Barb! Your message is just the refreshment I need in this exact moment. Thank you God for the gentle cuff across the head.

Here’s the reality. Despite focusing on the lemons (and the avalanche of snow-fall), I been drinking some pretty sweet lemonade. In the last several weeks:

  • I’ve seen new places
    • I recently visited two restaurants I’ve always wanted to try. Both have been in business for over 40 years. One was a hit and one was a miss, but I was so excited and glad to have experienced both.
  • I’ve made new friends
    • I spent five days in Arizona with my BFF and her parents. I didn’t know her parents well before this trip and now feel like I have two new friends.
    • Through the salon, I’ve connected with some of Mike’s friends and co-workers. I’m not just thankful for their business, but the opportunity to better get to know the wonderful people Mike works and hangs out with.
  • I’ve developed new hobbies
    • My at-home yoga practice is flourishing. I’ve completed Yoga with Adriene’s 30 day challenge, am working through her February calendar, and have been trying new vinyasas from the Yoga Journal.
    • I joined a corn-hole / bag toss league with Mike. It’s given us the opportunity to spend time together, a reason to get out of the house, and encourages this introvert to socialize with Mike and his friends.
  • I’ve completed some stuff 
    • Two books
    • A baby quilt top
    • A set of cloth napkins
  • I’ve started a new tradition
    • I’ve just sent out a stack of Valentines (the old-fashioned way) to my whole family. Going forward instead of bludgeoning everyone with a little more joy at Christmas, I’ll spread the love while the winter blues are at their peak.

So I’m canceling the pity party and apologize for wallowing. It’s crazy how easy it is to forget all the good when faced with a little bad. I have a warm house, plenty of food, a loving family, good friends, and a God who loves and has always cared for me.

If you’re drowning in lemons, I pray that there is peace and comfort waiting for you right around the corner. Remember God is good, he is faithful, and you are loved.

If life is currently treating you well, please share the goodness. We all need the reminder that snow melts, spring comes, and lemons can always be made into lemonade.

Happy Valentines Day!

 

The Continual Juggling Act

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In her book Present over Perfect, Shawna Niequist states “For every yes, there is a no.”

Finding balance in making choices is one of the major themes of this blog, and once again I’m slapped in the face with the relevance of this topic and the truth in Shawna’s words.

It’s late Saturday morning of Memorial weekend and I am sitting in our home office. I am supposed to be doing homework. My current course is Principles of Finance. This is a subject I have avoided for much of my life and now I find it surprisingly intriguing. Amazingly, I actually get it too! But, learning about it is time consuming and completing assignments takes much longer than I want it to.

And, here’s the rub:

  • The sun is taunting me with its sly winks through the window and chastising me for neglecting our weed infested flower beds.
  • My nest is a mess with dirty dishes rebelliously growing crusty coats in the kitchen, clean laundry shriveling into wrinkled heaps from waiting a whole week to be folded, and packages and boxes loitering in my dining room from recent shopping exploits.
  • My sciatica is scolding me for spending too much time at my desk.
  • Stories and ideas are bursting with restlessness inside my brain from being repressed by too many other responsibilities.
  • I have dedicated time with my family this weekend that I want to enjoy and not fret about.

This all reminds me of the Rock, Pebbles, and Sand Story. (If you’re not familiar with this, you definitely need to be). While I understand what my rocks are, the pebbles and sand  never feel so black and white in real life. Understanding how to balance your time between all of three of them involves a daily evaluation between immediate and long-term:

  • Needs and wants
  • Responsibilities and commitments
  • Shoulds and coulds

As I look at my day today, time with my family and easing my sciatica are rocks. They clearly most affect my physical and emotional well-being.

Writing, school, and home are definitely pebbles, but they blur the lines between needs and wants, responsibilities and commitments, shoulds and coulds. They have powerful affects on my emotional well being by making me feel unburdened, confident and content.

You may be asking, “why isn’t Grumpa helping you with these responsibilities?”

I can’t say enough how much Grumpa picks up the slack for me, but in addition to those we share, he has his own rocks, pebbles, and sand which I am only now (after almost 30 years) learning to be respectful of.

It’s true for every yes there is a no, but it’s important to realize that as simple as we want our lives to be, it’s always going to be a continual juggling act. We just need to accept it and move on by taking Anne Shirley’s words to heart–“Tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it.”– a new opportunity to learn from the day before and try the juggling act all over again.

 

Through a Child’s Eyes

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This past weekend, I asked Nolan if he’d like to come with me to Madison for a few days. We would be staying a few blocks from the Children’s Museum and he and I could hang out and do whatever we wanted. Grumpa could even come to.

His response to me was an immediate “Yes! This is going to be the best weekend EVER!”

Mind you, the weekend after Christmas, our whole family went to the Kalahari. A fabulous indoor water park in Wisconsin Dells. There he bravely tackled every water slide he was big enough to go on, spent hours in the wave pool and lazy river, and got to stay up late every night. That too was “the best weekend EVER!”

Now rewind to the week before Thanksgiving. Nolan accompanied his Grumpa to visit some family friends in Indiana. At that time, he met two new friends with more Legos than he could have ever imagined, and got to play video games to his heart’s content. Again, “the best weekend EVER!”

While in Madison, his enthusiasm was overwhelming. He tirelessly explored the Children’s Museum and experienced ice skating for the very first time. We hung out with his Aunt Julia and Uncle Danny, and once again he got to stay up late every night.

When it was time to go home, he cried as if his world was coming to an end. To him it was. Because at five, there’s no room for thoughts of what comes next. That moment is all there is.

None of these weekends were particularly extravagant, but Nolan saw them as epic adventures.

Oh to be five again. It’s my favorite age. Every little experience is a moment to be savored. Why are we always so desperate to grow up?

When you grow up, you forget your sense of wonder. You start comparing yourself to others, and inevitably, someone is always doing something more exciting or has something cooler. So instead of living in the moment, you’re waiting for the next hoping it will be better.

This weekend, I tried to see the world through Nolan’s eyes.

At the Children’s Museum, he approached every display and activity with  amazement. Each child he encountered was a potential new friend despite their skin color, if they were boy or girl, or what they were wearing.

After Uncle Danny helped him conquer an initial fear of the ice, his joy while skating was palpable. The frosty air had no affect on him despite his wind-kissed cheeks. His sparkling eyes, broad grin, and bubbling belly laughs kept me warm too. To my surprise, I wasn’t longing to get out of the cold. I was actually living in the moment and not wishing for the next!

What would it be like to live every day that way? To put away the insecurities, prejudices, and busyness? To approached each moment as we did when we were five?

I don’t know, but I want to give it a try.

 

Is It Beautiful, Is It Useful?

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I love tidiness.

I am not a clean freak per se, but clean counters, organized drawers and closets, and alphabetical shelves of books and DVDs give me an inexplicable thrill of contentment and a feeling that all is right in my world.

So what do you do when you combine two households with four busy adults and two playful, adventurous boys?

Damage control!

We live in the perpetual chaos of toys, snacks, papers, work bags and backpacks. I do understand that this is the nature of a busy household. I’m OK with that. But as a person who craves simplicity and order, how to put an end to the clutter is regularly on my mind.

So how I do continually seem to accumulate more stuff than I need or want?

I love beautiful things, but I’m not typically drawn to knickknacks and tchotchkes. I can peruse antique and gift shops and take in all the loveliness without feeling the need to bring something home. What I seem unable to pass up are items that promise to make life somehow easier; less cluttered, more organized.

In my pursuit of a simpler, more organized life, I read Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying up. I agree with many of Marie’s philosophies on tidying, (I’ve never found so much satisfaction with folding my laundry or ease in keeping my drawers and closet in order!) but I’m not sure that everything I own needs to create in me a sense of joy. A toilette brush is just a toilette brush after all, even if it does keep my hand out of the toilette bowl.

Life is messy even without all the stuff. Everyday, we’re bombarded with images, messages, and products that promise our life will be better if we just had this “one” thing. But like Lay’s potato chips, you can’t stop with just one. Before you know it, our best intentions have led us to more than we need, can use–and in many cases–even want.

It takes practice and discipline to identify the true difference between needs and wants. I need lots of practice!

I want to be a good steward of the many blessings I’ve been given, so my new motto is going to be, “Is it beautiful, and is it useful?”

This is actually not going to be as simple as it sounds. It will take some intense discipline to make sure it’s something that will fill a need for the long-term–not be just a quick fix. Also, will it’s beauty endure, or will it lose its appeal after a few short weeks or months?

I promised my Handy Man that my winter project will be to clean out our basement. It will be a good time to practice this new mantra. If I no longer find an item beautiful or useful, it’s going to go to someone who does.

Stay tuned. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Uncovering My “Why”

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If you’ve ever had a child, been around a child, or have been a child yourself, what question is forever poised on their lips? The question that drives most adults absolutely crazy?

“Why…?”

When was the last time you asked the question and what was it in relation to?

I just finished listening to Simon Sinek’s book, “Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action.” As a marketing consultant, author, and speaker, Sinek states “Very few people or companies can clearly articulate WHY they do WHAT they do. By WHY I mean your purpose, cause or belief – WHY does your company exist? WHY do you get out of bed every morning? And WHY should anyone care?”

I live in a continual state of discontent. I’m perpetually unhappy with my job, with my level of education, with my body, with my age….

As I was listening, I started asking myself why. “Why am I discontent with my job when I make more money than I ever have despite my level of education?” “Why should I be unhappy with my body, and my age, when I weigh less and take better care of myself than I did when I was 18.”

My family has always fueled my purpose and my faith been my passion. I truly believe that we’re put on this earth to love God, love others, and serve the world.

So why then am I always discontent?

Things finally started to click when I got really honest about what is not only important to me, but what actually motivates me.

Why do I do the things I do, and why should anyone care?

After much thought, this is how I can sum up my why:

  • I’m passionate about finding beauty, solace, and simplicity to combat the hectic, stressful, frenetic pace of this materialistic world.
  • I believe everyone deserves to feel beautiful, valued, and confident that they have something of value to offer their families, friends, jobs, and communities.
  • Showing kindness, patience, and understanding to everyone I come in contact with has the power to change the world.

These may seem superficial or naive, but they are things I can translate into tangible ways to live my purpose and share what I believe.

My challenge is to live these beliefs despite my circumstances. My cause in the new year is to create the means to pursue these passions and share them with those of you who believe what I believe.

Happy New Year!

BTW: If you haven’t heard of Simon Sinek, check him out! You can start on his website at https://startwithwhy.com/.

 

The Price of a Little R&R

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I recently listened to “Essentialism. The Disciplined Pursuit of Less” by Greg McKeown on Audible. It reminded me that discerning what is absolutely essential, and eliminating everything that’s not, allows us to make the highest possible contribution toward the things that really matter.

I missed writing last week. Getting all the thoughts swirling around in my head out into the universe has been surprisingly therapeutic. It’s given me the clarity and direction I’ve been craving for a long time. It’s become essential to my sanity.

I didn’t write; however, because the last couple of weeks at work have been grueling.

Two weeks ago, we announced a department re-org. No one was losing their job, but the day we were to notify our affected team members, I scheduled one-on-ones in the only conference room I could find–in HR….

I haven’t been a manager for long, and this rookie move literally caused me three days of wasted time and headaches as I steadily got hammered with questions and concerns about why my team had been called to HR.

Hmm, because I couldn’t find any other place to meet with them?

This is not a mistake I’ll make again.

Last week was completely insane too. I finished up a class, facilitated a number of new  purchases, kick started a new project, and was prepared to wrap up the quarter when my teammates and I were asked to present a department overview to our new CEO.

It felt like getting caught up in a tornado and being spit out mid spin.  I ended the week completely dazed and confused.

Fortunately there’s a light at the end of this tunnel, and it happened to be a beautiful sunset outside of Tuscon AZ. You see, amidst all the re-org. drama, my very best friend invited me on an impromptu vacation in Arizona.

To get here though, I became slightly unhinged.

I scrambled like mad to put all my ducks in a row before leaving so I could be free to enjoy this week’s little piece of heaven. However, there was no possible way to do it all. I had to let some of it go.

I don’t have the opportunity to travel much outside of work. So, I could waste this precious time “angsting” about what I didn’t get done or invest it in a treasured friend and relish that we have no plans or pressure to do anything but lay by the pool and decide when to mix up the margaritas.

Work matters, but faith, family, and friendship matter more.

These “lip balms” keep the pressures of work and life from consuming us. Rest and relaxation are not luxuries, but essential for us to be our very best in every area of life.

Ultimately, the price of a little R&R is letting go.

This week I’m going to let go of what I didn’t get done in the last one. Instead, I’m going to delight in my friend and enjoy the Arizona sunsets. It’s essential!