essentials

Lemonade in the Winter

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Another 6-10” of snow is currently weaving yet one more intricate blanket over central Wisconsin. Its pristine beauty is turning our world into a winter wonderland but it’s heaviness is suffocating. I read an article recently about embracing the winter months as a time to create a comfortable cocoon and hibernate, but we’re not bugs and bears for Pete’s sake. We’re people!

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Poor Mike is snow blowing for the second time this morning.

I feel stuck without anything really new to say. I’m quite frankly sick of myself and sick of social media…trying to paint the best picture, be positive, make myself look better than I really am, trying to get people to like me. Blah, blah, blah!

Honestly life still feels full of a crap-ton of lemons:

  • Work hasn’t picked up. No matter how many pep talks I give or receive, I doubt my decision to return to hair.
  • The second job I hoped for, was meant for someone else.
  • We still don’t have health insurance. (The affordable care act isn’t really affordable unless you don’t want to afford anything else.) Consequently, I worry about every ache, pain, and sniffle Mike gets.
  • I’m bored, lonely, and adrift.

Wait! … Here’s some Late Breaking News!

Literally, in the midst of this rant, my always encouraging, positive friend Barb has messaged me out of the blue asking when my next post was coming. Thank you, thank you Barb! Your message is just the refreshment I need in this exact moment. Thank you God for the gentle cuff across the head.

Here’s the reality. Despite focusing on the lemons (and the avalanche of snow-fall), I been drinking some pretty sweet lemonade. In the last several weeks:

  • I’ve seen new places
    • I recently visited two restaurants I’ve always wanted to try. Both have been in business for over 40 years. One was a hit and one was a miss, but I was so excited and glad to have experienced both.
  • I’ve made new friends
    • I spent five days in Arizona with my BFF and her parents. I didn’t know her parents well before this trip and now feel like I have two new friends.
    • Through the salon, I’ve connected with some of Mike’s friends and co-workers. I’m not just thankful for their business, but the opportunity to better get to know the wonderful people Mike works and hangs out with.
  • I’ve developed new hobbies
    • My at-home yoga practice is flourishing. I’ve completed Yoga with Adriene’s 30 day challenge, am working through her February calendar, and have been trying new vinyasas from the Yoga Journal.
    • I joined a corn-hole / bag toss league with Mike. It’s given us the opportunity to spend time together, a reason to get out of the house, and encourages this introvert to socialize with Mike and his friends.
  • I’ve completed some stuff 
    • Two books
    • A baby quilt top
    • A set of cloth napkins
  • I’ve started a new tradition
    • I’ve just sent out a stack of Valentines (the old-fashioned way) to my whole family. Going forward instead of bludgeoning everyone with a little more joy at Christmas, I’ll spread the love while the winter blues are at their peak.

So I’m canceling the pity party and apologize for wallowing. It’s crazy how easy it is to forget all the good when faced with a little bad. I have a warm house, plenty of food, a loving family, good friends, and a God who loves and has always cared for me.

If you’re drowning in lemons, I pray that there is peace and comfort waiting for you right around the corner. Remember God is good, he is faithful, and you are loved.

If life is currently treating you well, please share the goodness. We all need the reminder that snow melts, spring comes, and lemons can always be made into lemonade.

Happy Valentines Day!

 

Out With the Old, In With the New!

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I can’t believe it’s been a whole year already since I posted “Uncovering My Why!” Mom was right. The older you get, the faster time goes.

Oh my! So much has happened since that post and I’m currently in deep on this journey of diligently reshaping my life around this worthy goal.

I confess, reigning in my worry hasn’t gotten any better since my last post. Being a sole proprietor and renting a salon chair aren’t rocket science. But Man! Do patience and perseverance ever get any easier? My mean Old Adam  has been relentlessly whispering in my ear:

  • “You should be working harder to bring in new clients.”
  • “You were so not ready to set up shop on your own.”
  • “If you’d never have left hair in the first place, you’d have tons of clients, real experience, and a paycheck.”
  • “You’re never going to make any money at this.”
  • “If anything happens to Mike, you’re screwed!”

I know these things aren’t true, but the sly fox continually fills me with shame, guilt, and insecurity making my joy fleeting and contentment down right elusive.

Thank you God for my dear husband Mike. Mike officially stepped into his second half-century on New Year’s day and wisely reminded me that we officially have more days behind us than we do in front. “Do you really want to spend them worrying?” He asked. “Just make the most of what you have right now.”

Mike’s old hat at being self-employed. We’ve ridden his work’s waves of feast and famine for most of our married life. But here’s the thing, even when Mike’s not “working,” he’s busy. He always has remodeling projects, home improvements, golf, or any number of activities he’s tackled over the years. He spends his down time learning new things, honing new skills, and always striving to do these things to the best of his abilities.

My goal for 2019 is to follow his lead.

I’ve always wanted to:

  1. Become a daily at-home yoga practitioner so I can stay healthy and strong for as many days as God still has left for me.
  2. Sew more. I love fabric and creating beautiful and useful things. It doesn’t matter if I don’t need them, there are always others who do.

I also want to:

  • Go visiting more. I am blessed to be within driving distance to my whole family. I simply have to get in the car and go.
  • Stop at that little place, drive down that one road, or check out that one spot, I never have before.

I know the only one who can grow my business is me, but Old Adam’s lies aren’t productive or helpful.  Instead out with the old lies and in with the new growth. It’s time to get busy growing in new ways, making the most of open opportunities, and being open to new possibilities.

What will you do with 2019? Whatever it is, I pray it’s a blessed adventure.

Happy New Year!

 

Feeling Full

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I confess that I haven’t felt much like writing lately. I wouldn’t call it writer’s block, but more like a lack of patience for sitting at the computer. Writing also means organizing my thoughts into something that makes sense and honestly that’s been way too much work for me lately.

I’m also bone tired. The fact that I’m at least 10 years older than the next oldest person at the salon doesn’t mean I’m exempt from nine-hour days that kick my butt or taking my turn working weekends. The thirty-odd hours I’m working each week feel a lot more like the 50+ I was putting in at my previous job.

You know what though? For the first time in my life I have this feeling that just might be contentment. At first, I thought it may be complacency, but I don’t feel apathetic or negative. I’m exhausted, but not weary. And, even though I don’t always get to all the things I want to each day, I feel satisfied with the things I have accomplished. What is this magic?

Here’s the thing….

  • I LOVE being back in the salon. I love the precision of a great haircut, the creativity of a beautifully applied color, and even a perfectly wrapped perm. I love the nose tickling mix of chemicals and fragrances, the unique characters that sit in my chair, and the happy chatter of a busy salon.
  • I’ve been sewing–giving myself over to the lures of dazzling displays of fabric in whimsical patterns and textures, the rhythmic hum of the sewing machine, and making things that are beautiful and useful out of my two hands.
  • I’ve been doing yoga consistently. Breathing and stretching life back in to my stiff middle-aged limbs and achy joints. Day-by-day I can feel my strength building and flexibility returning despite the inevitable age-related changes to my body.
  • I’ve been able to volunteer at church using my gifts and abilities to feel purposeful and helpful not simply fill a hole.
  • Finally, even with all this new busyness, I still have the energy and capacity to give myself to the people I love without guilt or grudge – WOW!

Don’t get me wrong, life is still far from perfect. It never will be and that’s OK. But life should be more than just enjoying the current harvest of good things. True contentment is “feeling full” because there is a realistic understanding of what you want versus what you need that informs what you could do versus what you should. It’s also dang fulfilling when you can actually combine what you like to do with what you’re actually good at–maximizing the gifts and abilities you’ve been given.

I pray that we all find the things that fill us up and the time and courage to pursue them.

God bless!

Featured Image: Carl Larsson – Das Haus in der Sonne ( The House In The Sun) / The Apple Harvest, 1903 Postcard, Vintage Art, Vintage, art, Vintage Print

Jumping Off the Cliff

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I quit my job.

After fifteen years with the same company, I threw caution to the wind (along with my comprehensive health, dental, and vision package, 401-k match, eight+ paid holidays, and five weeks of paid vacation) and took the plunge into a world of insecurity and uncertainty.

What the heck was I thinking?

Over the last fifteen years, I’ve worked in various roles and positions–some I’ve chosen and some have been chosen for me. To toot my own horn, “this girl’s got some serious transferable skills.” Throughout this incredible journey, I’ve learned a lot about myself.

  • I can do more than I ever thought I could do.
  • Just because I can do something well, doesn’t mean I like it or it’s fulfilling.
  • I’d rather have respect and autonomy, than status and money.

I went to work as a means to an end, all the while dreaming of what I wanted to be when I grew up. My job helped help raise and support our kids, but it was always about what the company provided me and my family, not what I brought to the work. So despite all the perks, learning from and working with amazingly intelligent people, and having wonderful colleagues, I was perpetually stressed and unhappy.

Talk about a first world problem. I feel like I’ve literally just spit in the face of a tremendous blessing, yet at the same time I have an overwhelming sense that God is telling me it’s time to let go and let Him.

Here’s the thing, for years I’ve tried to direct God’s plan for my life. It’s been all about what I want, not necessarily what He wants. I truly believe this is why I’ve never been  happy despite an abundance of blessings. Throughout this 15-year journey, God has shown me what I’m good at, what brings me joy, and what I want to do now that I’ve actually grown up.

I want…

  • To create useful, meaningful things for others to use and enjoy.
  • To bring beauty and hope to peoples’ lives so they can be their best selves.
  • To build and foster relationships.
  • To continue learning, growing, and sharing life with others.

Do these things come with a good salary, paid vacations, and a great insurance package? Probably not, I may have to get a job for those things. Do I need a degree to do any of these? Maybe, but not really.

In all seriousness though, I won’t be looking for a company to provide for me going forward, but will look for a place where I’m confident in what I am bringing to the work.

I’m still scared because the cliff is already behind me, but I know I’m in the best hands possible. God is good. He (not me) is the one who will set my feet firmly back on the ground.

God bless!

The Continual Juggling Act

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In her book Present over Perfect, Shawna Niequist states “For every yes, there is a no.”

Finding balance in making choices is one of the major themes of this blog, and once again I’m slapped in the face with the relevance of this topic and the truth in Shawna’s words.

It’s late Saturday morning of Memorial weekend and I am sitting in our home office. I am supposed to be doing homework. My current course is Principles of Finance. This is a subject I have avoided for much of my life and now I find it surprisingly intriguing. Amazingly, I actually get it too! But, learning about it is time consuming and completing assignments takes much longer than I want it to.

And, here’s the rub:

  • The sun is taunting me with its sly winks through the window and chastising me for neglecting our weed infested flower beds.
  • My nest is a mess with dirty dishes rebelliously growing crusty coats in the kitchen, clean laundry shriveling into wrinkled heaps from waiting a whole week to be folded, and packages and boxes loitering in my dining room from recent shopping exploits.
  • My sciatica is scolding me for spending too much time at my desk.
  • Stories and ideas are bursting with restlessness inside my brain from being repressed by too many other responsibilities.
  • I have dedicated time with my family this weekend that I want to enjoy and not fret about.

This all reminds me of the Rock, Pebbles, and Sand Story. (If you’re not familiar with this, you definitely need to be). While I understand what my rocks are, the pebbles and sand  never feel so black and white in real life. Understanding how to balance your time between all of three of them involves a daily evaluation between immediate and long-term:

  • Needs and wants
  • Responsibilities and commitments
  • Shoulds and coulds

As I look at my day today, time with my family and easing my sciatica are rocks. They clearly most affect my physical and emotional well-being.

Writing, school, and home are definitely pebbles, but they blur the lines between needs and wants, responsibilities and commitments, shoulds and coulds. They have powerful affects on my emotional well being by making me feel unburdened, confident and content.

You may be asking, “why isn’t Grumpa helping you with these responsibilities?”

I can’t say enough how much Grumpa picks up the slack for me, but in addition to those we share, he has his own rocks, pebbles, and sand which I am only now (after almost 30 years) learning to be respectful of.

It’s true for every yes there is a no, but it’s important to realize that as simple as we want our lives to be, it’s always going to be a continual juggling act. We just need to accept it and move on by taking Anne Shirley’s words to heart–“Tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it.”– a new opportunity to learn from the day before and try the juggling act all over again.

 

Is It Beautiful, Is It Useful?

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I love tidiness.

I am not a clean freak per se, but clean counters, organized drawers and closets, and alphabetical shelves of books and DVDs give me an inexplicable thrill of contentment and a feeling that all is right in my world.

So what do you do when you combine two households with four busy adults and two playful, adventurous boys?

Damage control!

We live in the perpetual chaos of toys, snacks, papers, work bags and backpacks. I do understand that this is the nature of a busy household. I’m OK with that. But as a person who craves simplicity and order, how to put an end to the clutter is regularly on my mind.

So how I do continually seem to accumulate more stuff than I need or want?

I love beautiful things, but I’m not typically drawn to knickknacks and tchotchkes. I can peruse antique and gift shops and take in all the loveliness without feeling the need to bring something home. What I seem unable to pass up are items that promise to make life somehow easier; less cluttered, more organized.

In my pursuit of a simpler, more organized life, I read Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying up. I agree with many of Marie’s philosophies on tidying, (I’ve never found so much satisfaction with folding my laundry or ease in keeping my drawers and closet in order!) but I’m not sure that everything I own needs to create in me a sense of joy. A toilette brush is just a toilette brush after all, even if it does keep my hand out of the toilette bowl.

Life is messy even without all the stuff. Everyday, we’re bombarded with images, messages, and products that promise our life will be better if we just had this “one” thing. But like Lay’s potato chips, you can’t stop with just one. Before you know it, our best intentions have led us to more than we need, can use–and in many cases–even want.

It takes practice and discipline to identify the true difference between needs and wants. I need lots of practice!

I want to be a good steward of the many blessings I’ve been given, so my new motto is going to be, “Is it beautiful, and is it useful?”

This is actually not going to be as simple as it sounds. It will take some intense discipline to make sure it’s something that will fill a need for the long-term–not be just a quick fix. Also, will it’s beauty endure, or will it lose its appeal after a few short weeks or months?

I promised my Handy Man that my winter project will be to clean out our basement. It will be a good time to practice this new mantra. If I no longer find an item beautiful or useful, it’s going to go to someone who does.

Stay tuned. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Uncovering My “Why”

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If you’ve ever had a child, been around a child, or have been a child yourself, what question is forever poised on their lips? The question that drives most adults absolutely crazy?

“Why…?”

When was the last time you asked the question and what was it in relation to?

I just finished listening to Simon Sinek’s book, “Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action.” As a marketing consultant, author, and speaker, Sinek states “Very few people or companies can clearly articulate WHY they do WHAT they do. By WHY I mean your purpose, cause or belief – WHY does your company exist? WHY do you get out of bed every morning? And WHY should anyone care?”

I live in a continual state of discontent. I’m perpetually unhappy with my job, with my level of education, with my body, with my age….

As I was listening, I started asking myself why. “Why am I discontent with my job when I make more money than I ever have despite my level of education?” “Why should I be unhappy with my body, and my age, when I weigh less and take better care of myself than I did when I was 18.”

My family has always fueled my purpose and my faith been my passion. I truly believe that we’re put on this earth to love God, love others, and serve the world.

So why then am I always discontent?

Things finally started to click when I got really honest about what is not only important to me, but what actually motivates me.

Why do I do the things I do, and why should anyone care?

After much thought, this is how I can sum up my why:

  • I’m passionate about finding beauty, solace, and simplicity to combat the hectic, stressful, frenetic pace of this materialistic world.
  • I believe everyone deserves to feel beautiful, valued, and confident that they have something of value to offer their families, friends, jobs, and communities.
  • Showing kindness, patience, and understanding to everyone I come in contact with has the power to change the world.

These may seem superficial or naive, but they are things I can translate into tangible ways to live my purpose and share what I believe.

My challenge is to live these beliefs despite my circumstances. My cause in the new year is to create the means to pursue these passions and share them with those of you who believe what I believe.

Happy New Year!

BTW: If you haven’t heard of Simon Sinek, check him out! You can start on his website at https://startwithwhy.com/.

 

The Not So Empty Nest

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While raising three kids and working full time, personal space and quiet time were always in short supply. Constantly hectic and harried, I wished time away longing for the days when my time was my own and being jealous of those with an empty nest.

Then our youngest went off to college and I was completely lost!

What…? No one needs me? I can do what ever I want? When I want? What the heck do I want?

It took me six years to fully adjust to my long-desired freedom and the overwhelming quiet of an empty nest. Very slowly I began relishing the quiet, investing more time in my work, and exploring things I might enjoy. The “new” nest was finally starting to get pretty comfortable.

Then our son Jake and his family moved in….

Two more adults and two rambunctious boys have definitely upset the nest. All my newly appreciated space and quiet gone with the wind.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have to “take care” of the boys. But when I’m home, I’m the favored playmate, preferred snuggler, and constant confidant. My pancakes are superior to all others, my lap the comfiest, my stories the most fascinating, and mine and Grumpa’s bed the softest. Who am I to disagree?

With my nest once again full and my love tank overflowing, you’d think I’d have nothing to complain about.

But we humans are fickle creatures. I once again long for the space and quiet of the empty nest.

I get exasperated with the typical debris of life with kids; the continual carpet of toys covering the floor, crumbs on the table, and dishes overflowing the sink. These feelings are normal and expected for parents, but as a grandparent they fill me with intense guilt and self-reproach.

I already know how fleeting this time is. I’ve lived it with my own children.

Jake, Alex, Nolan, and Lincoln are only here until Jake finishes school. Once he’s done, they’ll move out and potentially move away. I’ve been given the rare gift of sharing each day with my grandchildren, not as their caretaker, but simply as a love and attention giver.

I do need a little space now and then, but I also need to make the most of this moment. That’s all this time with the kids is.

So no more wasting time dreaming about the empty nest. It will be empty again soon enough.

Is your nest empty or full? What do you love about where it is today?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Price of a Little R&R

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I recently listened to “Essentialism. The Disciplined Pursuit of Less” by Greg McKeown on Audible. It reminded me that discerning what is absolutely essential, and eliminating everything that’s not, allows us to make the highest possible contribution toward the things that really matter.

I missed writing last week. Getting all the thoughts swirling around in my head out into the universe has been surprisingly therapeutic. It’s given me the clarity and direction I’ve been craving for a long time. It’s become essential to my sanity.

I didn’t write; however, because the last couple of weeks at work have been grueling.

Two weeks ago, we announced a department re-org. No one was losing their job, but the day we were to notify our affected team members, I scheduled one-on-ones in the only conference room I could find–in HR….

I haven’t been a manager for long, and this rookie move literally caused me three days of wasted time and headaches as I steadily got hammered with questions and concerns about why my team had been called to HR.

Hmm, because I couldn’t find any other place to meet with them?

This is not a mistake I’ll make again.

Last week was completely insane too. I finished up a class, facilitated a number of new  purchases, kick started a new project, and was prepared to wrap up the quarter when my teammates and I were asked to present a department overview to our new CEO.

It felt like getting caught up in a tornado and being spit out mid spin.  I ended the week completely dazed and confused.

Fortunately there’s a light at the end of this tunnel, and it happened to be a beautiful sunset outside of Tuscon AZ. You see, amidst all the re-org. drama, my very best friend invited me on an impromptu vacation in Arizona.

To get here though, I became slightly unhinged.

I scrambled like mad to put all my ducks in a row before leaving so I could be free to enjoy this week’s little piece of heaven. However, there was no possible way to do it all. I had to let some of it go.

I don’t have the opportunity to travel much outside of work. So, I could waste this precious time “angsting” about what I didn’t get done or invest it in a treasured friend and relish that we have no plans or pressure to do anything but lay by the pool and decide when to mix up the margaritas.

Work matters, but faith, family, and friendship matter more.

These “lip balms” keep the pressures of work and life from consuming us. Rest and relaxation are not luxuries, but essential for us to be our very best in every area of life.

Ultimately, the price of a little R&R is letting go.

This week I’m going to let go of what I didn’t get done in the last one. Instead, I’m going to delight in my friend and enjoy the Arizona sunsets. It’s essential!