grandparenting

The Bittersweet Inevitable

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My kids moved out. I came home from being gone for a week and Jake, Alex, Nolan, and Linc moved across town.

They had gone to look at a great place before I left; of course they wanted to take it. Only I anticipated they would take a little time moving out. You know, gradually pack up, move things at a leisurely pace, have a last night of snuggles and bed time stories….

Ah, nope! Gone less than a week later.

Oh, what a fickle fool I am. I was just lamenting my Not So Empty Nest, and here it’s empty again. Before I had planned.

I guess it just caught me off guard. I was getting quite comfortable serving my little master. Nolan required an 8 o’clock bedtime. Even though my evenings were cut short, I was rewarded with bed time stories and snuggles. Going to bed early didn’t make it any easier for me to get up though and I was never excused from breakfast. Chocolate, peanut butter, banana smoothies were on the menu each weekday morning and pancakes on Saturday. Only then could I start my day with smiles, hugs, and grateful kisses.

Alas, it’s all over now.

I’m being over dramatic of course. I understand Jake and Alex’s desire to get on their own again and I’m happy and proud of them for going for it.

Years ago, when Grumpa and I first moved to central Wisconsin, we lived with my parents for four r-e-a-l-l-y long months. Before moving in, I idealized how easy it would be. My parents were great and I thought it would be wonderful to have the camaraderie of my mom on a daily basis. But while I was at home with them, it was no longer my home. I had been the queen of my own castle, and I was living in another’s realm.

Jake and Alex were conscientious roommates, but I get the feeling they felt a lot like I did years ago. There is nothing like having your own home; your sanctuary, your space…where you can do, be, and keep things in any way you see fit. It’s one of the few real perks of being a grown-up.

Anyway, it is only across town. Jake is still finishing school and Alex is doing exceptionally well at work, so I’m hopeful they’ll be around for a little bit yet. I can also stay up late again and sleep in too. Nolan and I have been using face time to read together before he goes to bed at 8. I don’t get to snuggle, but we chat and catch up just like when he was here.

It is bittersweet, but also a little like having my cake and eating it too. Speaking of eating, you should try Nolan’s special smoothie–super easy, not bitter, only sweet!

Nolan’s Chocolate, Peanut Butter, Banana Smoothie

  • 1 frozen banana
  • 1 heaping tablespoon peanut butter
  • 1 cup chocolate almond milk

Put all in blender and blend until smooth. Yummmmy!

Through a Child’s Eyes

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This past weekend, I asked Nolan if he’d like to come with me to Madison for a few days. We would be staying a few blocks from the Children’s Museum and he and I could hang out and do whatever we wanted. Grumpa could even come to.

His response to me was an immediate “Yes! This is going to be the best weekend EVER!”

Mind you, the weekend after Christmas, our whole family went to the Kalahari. A fabulous indoor water park in Wisconsin Dells. There he bravely tackled every water slide he was big enough to go on, spent hours in the wave pool and lazy river, and got to stay up late every night. That too was “the best weekend EVER!”

Now rewind to the week before Thanksgiving. Nolan accompanied his Grumpa to visit some family friends in Indiana. At that time, he met two new friends with more Legos than he could have ever imagined, and got to play video games to his heart’s content. Again, “the best weekend EVER!”

While in Madison, his enthusiasm was overwhelming. He tirelessly explored the Children’s Museum and experienced ice skating for the very first time. We hung out with his Aunt Julia and Uncle Danny, and once again he got to stay up late every night.

When it was time to go home, he cried as if his world was coming to an end. To him it was. Because at five, there’s no room for thoughts of what comes next. That moment is all there is.

None of these weekends were particularly extravagant, but Nolan saw them as epic adventures.

Oh to be five again. It’s my favorite age. Every little experience is a moment to be savored. Why are we always so desperate to grow up?

When you grow up, you forget your sense of wonder. You start comparing yourself to others, and inevitably, someone is always doing something more exciting or has something cooler. So instead of living in the moment, you’re waiting for the next hoping it will be better.

This weekend, I tried to see the world through Nolan’s eyes.

At the Children’s Museum, he approached every display and activity with  amazement. Each child he encountered was a potential new friend despite their skin color, if they were boy or girl, or what they were wearing.

After Uncle Danny helped him conquer an initial fear of the ice, his joy while skating was palpable. The frosty air had no affect on him despite his wind-kissed cheeks. His sparkling eyes, broad grin, and bubbling belly laughs kept me warm too. To my surprise, I wasn’t longing to get out of the cold. I was actually living in the moment and not wishing for the next!

What would it be like to live every day that way? To put away the insecurities, prejudices, and busyness? To approached each moment as we did when we were five?

I don’t know, but I want to give it a try.

 

The Not So Empty Nest

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While raising three kids and working full time, personal space and quiet time were always in short supply. Constantly hectic and harried, I wished time away longing for the days when my time was my own and being jealous of those with an empty nest.

Then our youngest went off to college and I was completely lost!

What…? No one needs me? I can do what ever I want? When I want? What the heck do I want?

It took me six years to fully adjust to my long-desired freedom and the overwhelming quiet of an empty nest. Very slowly I began relishing the quiet, investing more time in my work, and exploring things I might enjoy. The “new” nest was finally starting to get pretty comfortable.

Then our son Jake and his family moved in….

Two more adults and two rambunctious boys have definitely upset the nest. All my newly appreciated space and quiet gone with the wind.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have to “take care” of the boys. But when I’m home, I’m the favored playmate, preferred snuggler, and constant confidant. My pancakes are superior to all others, my lap the comfiest, my stories the most fascinating, and mine and Grumpa’s bed the softest. Who am I to disagree?

With my nest once again full and my love tank overflowing, you’d think I’d have nothing to complain about.

But we humans are fickle creatures. I once again long for the space and quiet of the empty nest.

I get exasperated with the typical debris of life with kids; the continual carpet of toys covering the floor, crumbs on the table, and dishes overflowing the sink. These feelings are normal and expected for parents, but as a grandparent they fill me with intense guilt and self-reproach.

I already know how fleeting this time is. I’ve lived it with my own children.

Jake, Alex, Nolan, and Lincoln are only here until Jake finishes school. Once he’s done, they’ll move out and potentially move away. I’ve been given the rare gift of sharing each day with my grandchildren, not as their caretaker, but simply as a love and attention giver.

I do need a little space now and then, but I also need to make the most of this moment. That’s all this time with the kids is.

So no more wasting time dreaming about the empty nest. It will be empty again soon enough.

Is your nest empty or full? What do you love about where it is today?